Okay, some ground rules for going into this movie. It is about a U.S. veteran, so it is set firmly in the American unquestioned, unchallenged veneration of the military. So no asking obvious questions beyond the frame in which this story is told. Once you accept those ground rules, this is actually a solidly good movie about trauma and grief.
Sonequa Martin-Green and Natalie Morales make this movie by building a truly believable friendship at its heart. Sonequa plays Merit, middle-class and hoping to go to college after serving. Natalie plays Zoe, someone with no money, prospects, or support system on the outside. The friendship they form while deployed in Afghanistan together is one of the best things in each other’s lives. The two leads instantly gel on screen, they bicker and banter and get in one another’s space, they are so comfortable together. The writing and their performances leave you with a clear impression of the depth of care, trust and love they have.
But the movie’s not called My Friend Zoe, it’s called My Dead Friend Zoe. The film begins with Merit struggling with life after the military, doing court-appointed group therapy for PTSD, which she is not engaging with at all. She is haunted by Zoe, who is her constant companion, making wise cracks, and taking the piss out the therapy group. The film shows beautifully the retreat into grief, the self-isolation and unwillingness to move on, because while you don’t, you get to hold them close a little longer.
Merit’s guilt at surviving is palpable, and that’s why I think this film is so easily identifiable, all the military stuff aside. Because once they are dead, everybody acts like it was inevitable, unavoidable, and they will tell you it wasn’t your fault. But they weren’t there and they don’t know, and in the time before, there were lots of ways it could have gone and lots of things you could have done, and you know that if you had done things differently, things would be different. Merit’s reaction to well-worn advice is so recognisable, we are all so used to the same handful of platitudes, and you can hear how it wasn’t your fault a hundred times, but it means nothing until you actually believe it.
I’m making this film sound like a dirge of misery and it’s actually not. The journey Merit goes on is one of reconnecting with her family and becoming open to the possibility of making new relationships, but it is kept in constant flux with the urge to hold onto this beautiful thing from the past and live there instead of the present. And Zoe is fun, you get why you would try to keep her ghost for as long as possible.
It’s because Zoe and Merit’s friendship is so warm and fun that the ending hits so hard. Zoe’s death is an established fact, and Merit’s trauma over it has been explored, that by the end you think everything has been telegraphed so completely, it couldn’t possibly be the gut punch that it in fact delivers. I was crying. It’s very moving, and very identifiable. Genuinely a very good movie about grief.